leading a small group

February 27, 2010

i don’t know WHAT i was thinking when i signed up to be a small group leader, but to be honest, i think i seriously guilt tripped myself into taking on the position. (iono why i always guilt trip myself -___-) i am definitely not leader material, or spiritually mature enough to guide my freshmen group. i am really glad and grateful, however, that God gave me this opportunity because i am being challenged and humbled. i’m beginning to re-examine myself as a christian. there are even times when i doubt that i’m a christian. it’s all very confusing, but i know that i am learning a lot. some on the things i’ve learned so far from my experience as a leader are:

1. to take initiative.

  • i’m the kind of person that waits around for other people to do things and then follows what they do. it’s just something i always did. as a leader, i’m starting to realize that i have to be the one that instigates things. i have to be the one that reaches out, rather then being the one that waits for other people to reach out to me. it’s really hard for me , and i still wait around a lot of the times, but i think it helps now that i KNOW that this is something i have to work on.

2. do things that take me out of my comfort zone.

  • there are a lot of things that i don’t like doing. i know this is common sense, but i’ve just started to realize that if i want to see any positive change in myself, i’m going to have to do things that i don’t particularly like to do. i’m a super shy person, and i feel that i miss out on a lot of opportunities because i generally don’t like talking to people i don’t know. to help myself grow in this area, i’m exposing myself to situations where i HAVE to talk to people. its definitely nerve wracking but its something i need to do if i want to see myself change

3. making christian values my own values

  • i’m learning that in order to be a solid christian, i have to make christian values my own personal values. in high school i used to cuss all the time but i stopped when i became a christian. the reason i stopped  was because i felt that christians shouldn’t cuss,  not because it went against my own personal beliefs. in other words, i stopped doing bad things so i could create this fake christian identity that wasn’t really the true me. i’m beginning to understand that i have to make my own values based on my own experiences. right now, i sorta regret voting yes on prop 8 because i only did it since it was the christian thing to do. but when i think about it now, i don’t see how it’s right to hold back rights from people just because they don’t fit the “norm”. one day, i hope to really stand behind my decision about gay marriage, but right now i regret it…that aside, i’m beginning to see that the knowledge in the bible is really there for our own benefit and i’m beginning to see the wisdom in it. in other words, the bible is something that God gave to us so that we can live our lives to the fullest.

4. be genuine

  • its important to show people who you really are. i hate it when people are shady. before, i used to get so disappointed when people i know drink. i was dumb and naive. now, i think drinking and/or partying or whatever is fine, but just don’t be shady about it…meaning don’t try to act all innocent when you’re really not. when people find out the stuff you’re hiding (and trust me, people ALWAYS SOMEHOW FIND OUT lol), they’re gonna get really hurt and disappointed.

5. changing my schemas and perceptions

  • the way we act, behave, and perceive the world is shaped by our schemas and perceptions. i’ve just become recently aware of the problems in my schemas or thought processes of the world, which probably are the result of how my mom raised me.  i’m seriously considering getting therapy to fix my maladaptive thinking because i realize it does effect me and my interactions with other people tremendously.
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ucla dental students are cute

February 12, 2010

today i went in for a pre screening for a dental exam and the dental student that was performing the procedure was so frikkn cute. wow, the dental student that  works in the radiology department that i now volunteer at is also really cute too. :) plus, they’re really nice and friendly people. cute. nice. smart. AND future dentists?!? i think i’m gonna hunt for my husband here lolzzzzz

picture of the day: i got to keep my xrays. hehe these are my teeth xrays :D

relationships

February 8, 2010

i’ve realized that relationships are investments. i’ve heard this before but i sort of let it wash over me. but  now, i’m beginning to really understand what it really means. relationships (and not just boyfriend girlfriend relationships) are hard work and require sacrifice. for example, sometimes you have to sacrifice your time for a person whose going through a difficult time, even though you’re friggn busy yourself. in other words, relationships require that you spend your time on someone else instead of spending time on yourself. people make this investment because having a friend/someone you can talk to is better than being all by your lonely self. plus, having no friends = being a loser. :( but recently, i’ve learned though that some people aren’t worth that investment. i read a quote before that said: “never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option”. this is so true. when someone considers you as an option, it’s probably wise to just sell your stocks and invest your time elsewhere.  time is probably the most precious commodity because 1. its limited and 2. once its gone, you can never earn it back. therefore… it’s really critical that people choose their relationships wisely because, as harsh as this sounds, some people aren’t worth your investment.

that said, i’ve also realized how much i need to improve myself. i have so many areas that i need to grow in so i can be a better person and friend.

and from now, i’m not wasting my time with relationships that aren’t worth it anymore. :(

so today was:

  • walking in the rain
  • umbrellas
  • wet smelly bus rides
  • ghetto bus stops
  • walking in ghetto neighborhoods
  • ramenya
  • waiting outside in the rain for ramen
  • seeing japanese business men eating ramen lolol
  • gigantic steaming bowl of miso ramen
  • free corn tea
  • beard papa’s and sour coffee
  • eyeing the cute beard papa’s employee :)
  • expensive japanese mart and frozen takoyaki
  • getting lost and walking 3 miles in the rain
  • “we are really far…are you crazy???”
  • accidently walking all the way to century city westfield mall
  • epic fail of the day~
  • using apple store to find our way back. thank you apple! i know i liked mac’s for a reason.
  • crazy lady talking to us, and then talking to herself
  • finding out that even though i love rain, me +wet converse+wet jeans+cold wind blowing in my face do not mix.
  • pissy bus driver
  • eventually reaching our dorm sweet dorm. hallelujah!
  • stripping off wet clothes
  • hot shower
  • ::BEEP BEEP:: fire alarm while i’m taking an effing shower…WOW seriously??? FML
  • waiting outside with no bra
  • dorm sweet dorm again!
  • snuggling up in my bed :)

hehe, i love our 339 duo adventures :)

February 5, 2010

there’s so much goodness in simplicity. today, i was eating the most delicious panini that was comprised of the simplest ingredients: grilled chicken (probably marinated in italian dressing), melted cheese, tomatoes, and spinach between two grill-pressed slices of foccacia bread. (heavenly~) i seriously believe that the best/most delicious recipes are most often the simplest ones.

the same can be said about life. or maybe it’s just me, but i beginning to learn that i find the greatest pleasure in simple things. :)

—-

ohh i think i know why i’m so happy today. it’s because of a boy. ahahaa of course :]. so today was my first day volunteering at the dental center, and it just so happens that the dental student working there is really cute. i’m trying to convince myself he did kinda like me BECAUSE he knew my name and i didn’t even tell him my name, so i’m guessing he saw me write it in the scheduling calendar last week. also, when i was leaving he was like “so….i’ll see you again *looks at volunteer calender* the 23rd??” ehehe…what what cute dental studenttt??? you want me to come back dontcha??? jkkay

but then again, he’s probably observant because he is training to be a dentist, which explains why he remembered my name. and, he probably is just wondering when i’m coming back because he needs volunteers….SIGH. :(

my new obsession: vintage

February 3, 2010

there’s something so nostalgic about seeing vintage clothing. i especially love zooey deschanel’s quicky vintage attire. it’s so classy, and sophisticatedly feminine.

ahhhh i want.