leading a small group

February 27, 2010

i don’t know WHAT i was thinking when i signed up to be a small group leader, but to be honest, i think i seriously guilt tripped myself into taking on the position. (iono why i always guilt trip myself -___-) i am definitely not leader material, or spiritually mature enough to guide my freshmen group. i am really glad and grateful, however, that God gave me this opportunity because i am being challenged and humbled. i’m beginning to re-examine myself as a christian. there are even times when i doubt that i’m a christian. it’s all very confusing, but i know that i am learning a lot. some on the things i’ve learned so far from my experience as a leader are:

1. to take initiative.

  • i’m the kind of person that waits around for other people to do things and then follows what they do. it’s just something i always did. as a leader, i’m starting to realize that i have to be the one that instigates things. i have to be the one that reaches out, rather then being the one that waits for other people to reach out to me. it’s really hard for me , and i still wait around a lot of the times, but i think it helps now that i KNOW that this is something i have to work on.

2. do things that take me out of my comfort zone.

  • there are a lot of things that i don’t like doing. i know this is common sense, but i’ve just started to realize that if i want to see any positive change in myself, i’m going to have to do things that i don’t particularly like to do. i’m a super shy person, and i feel that i miss out on a lot of opportunities because i generally don’t like talking to people i don’t know. to help myself grow in this area, i’m exposing myself to situations where i HAVE to talk to people. its definitely nerve wracking but its something i need to do if i want to see myself change

3. making christian values my own values

  • i’m learning that in order to be a solid christian, i have to make christian values my own personal values. in high school i used to cuss all the time but i stopped when i became a christian. the reason i stopped  was because i felt that christians shouldn’t cuss,  not because it went against my own personal beliefs. in other words, i stopped doing bad things so i could create this fake christian identity that wasn’t really the true me. i’m beginning to understand that i have to make my own values based on my own experiences. right now, i sorta regret voting yes on prop 8 because i only did it since it was the christian thing to do. but when i think about it now, i don’t see how it’s right to hold back rights from people just because they don’t fit the “norm”. one day, i hope to really stand behind my decision about gay marriage, but right now i regret it…that aside, i’m beginning to see that the knowledge in the bible is really there for our own benefit and i’m beginning to see the wisdom in it. in other words, the bible is something that God gave to us so that we can live our lives to the fullest.

4. be genuine

  • its important to show people who you really are. i hate it when people are shady. before, i used to get so disappointed when people i know drink. i was dumb and naive. now, i think drinking and/or partying or whatever is fine, but just don’t be shady about it…meaning don’t try to act all innocent when you’re really not. when people find out the stuff you’re hiding (and trust me, people ALWAYS SOMEHOW FIND OUT lol), they’re gonna get really hurt and disappointed.

5. changing my schemas and perceptions

  • the way we act, behave, and perceive the world is shaped by our schemas and perceptions. i’ve just become recently aware of the problems in my schemas or thought processes of the world, which probably are the result of how my mom raised me.  i’m seriously considering getting therapy to fix my maladaptive thinking because i realize it does effect me and my interactions with other people tremendously.
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